Just a couple of new scripts that I’ve written for Bindlestiff Studio’s sketch comedy show
Good Friday: Carpool to Hell
April 9-11, 2009
Thick House, San Francisco, CA
OBAMA PRESS CONFERNECE
by conrad panganiban
v1 03/30/2009
Original Cast
Obama – Franz Jundis
Trent – Dianne Chui
Rosary Sox – Terry Alabata
Jejomar – Jocelyne Ampon
directed by Judith Ferrer
Characters:
Obama
Trent – reporter, Fox News
Rosary Sox – reporter, ChristianScienceMonitor.com
Jejomar – Union City Pic-and-Save
INT. PRESSROOM. DAY
PRES. OBAMA is center stage standing on chair. A row of reporters are facing the audience asking questions.
OBAMA
I want to thank you all for coming to this Easter Press Conference. For all the Christians viewing this. Happy Easter. To everyone else. Yes We Can. Now, I’ll start with some questions.
PRESS CORP raise their hands.
OBAMA
You. Trent McBlue.
TRENT
Trent McBlue, Fox News. How do you respond to the recent Harris Poll saying that you rank as the number one hero in America above Jesus Christ.
OBAMA
Look… I uhh… I’ve said all along… while I was campaigning… that I should not be compared to uh… Jesus Christ. I am Barack Obama. Not Jesus Christ. Obama. Barack Obama.
PRESS CORP raise their hands.
OBAMA
You. Rosary Sox McHanus.
ROSARY SOX
Rosary Sox McHanus, ChristianScienceMonitor .com, President Obama. What would you like to say to the people who voted for you on how you should deal with the CEO’s on Wall Street?
OBAMA
Well, I say to them… that uh… Change has come to America, so that means that… uh… these unscrupulous CEO’s won’t get the same treatment as before. But, I’ll do what I can to save people’s jobs.
ROSARY SOX
So then, you are willing to be their Savior?
OBAMA
Again. Look… I’m not a Savior. But the people who have abused their corporate responsibilities will be dealt with.
TRENT
Are you saying that your Father will put the plague on their houses?
OBAMA
My father? Look… I don’t know how to say this any other way, but I’m not Jesus. Now, let’s get to more serious issues…
PRESS CORP raise their hands.
OBAMA
You. Jejomar Franks. I hope this is a serious question for these serious times… which I will respond with a serious answer.
JEJOMAR
Yes, Mr. President. Jejomar Franks, Union City Pic-and-Save. What are your goals for your upcoming trip to the Middle East?
OBAMA
I will uh… tell them that uh… the American people want peace in their region.
JEJOMAR
So you’d be like the Prince of Peace… Like Jesus.
OBAMA
Look… uh… look. I just said I want to be able to organize a peaceful solution.
ROSARY SOX
Jesus was a community organizer too. He got 12 people to follow him, but you got a whole nation to follow you. It’s like you are the Messiah.
OBAMA
Look. I am not the Messiah. I am not Jesus. I am not Sam I Am. I am who I am. And that’s all that I am!
TRENT
Amen!
ROSARY SOX
Halleluia!
JEJOMAR
Popeye?
OBAMA
I give up! I Bless You and the United States of America. Good Night.
END