Stuck
A short play
Cast of Characters
Phoenina Toots: Mid to late 20’s. Female. Clown.
Huggie Aloni: 35. Male. Clown.
Setting
Chuck E. Cheese.
HUGGIE and PHOENINA, dressed in clown outfits are sitting at a table. PHOENINA is sipping from a straw from a paper cup. HUGGIE is looking out of it. A Happy Birthday banner is hanging from a wall upstage. A couple of balloons and some streamers are on the floor around them.
HUGGIE
Look at ’em. I bet those are the most filthiest balls on earth.
PHOENINA
Huggie, they’re kids. They’re just having fun. You’re telling me you never did that.
HUGGIE
Never.
PHOENINA
You should try it sometime.
HUGGIE
I don’t know how rolling around in germ infested balls can be fun, Phoenina.
PHOENINA
Not when you put it like that. You know, you really need to loosen up. One of these days you’re gonna like have a stroke or something. And then what will I do?
HUGGIE
Find another partner.
PHOENINA
But I’ve already gotten so used to your grumpy face. And speaking of which, why are you so grumpy today? You’re supposed to be Huggie Aloni, the Funny Clown! That’s why I brought you here.
HUGGIE
We’re here to work.
PHOENINA
Yes. But it’s also for you to have some fun.
HUGGIE
I swear, if you have that big rat and his robot freaks, come over here with a cake, I will cut you.
PHOENINA
You’re not that good yet.
HUGGIE
Don’t try me. Especially today.
PHOENINA
Then at least be happy for what you got.
HUGGIE
A dead-end job with a partner who’s a goodie two shoes who likes to party all the time.
PHOENINA
It’s a job, right? But I appreciate the effort of throwing in an obscure Eddie Murphy party song to alleviate the tension.
HUGGIE
The only tension is the crow’s feet around your eyes because you can remember that song from the Eighties.
PHOENINA
Would you just grow down a little? I’m trying to cheer you up.
HUGGIE
Nothing worth cheering up about entering the later stages in life.
PHOENINA
You’re not that old.
HUGGIE
Wow. Not ‘that’ old. Phoenina, when did you start doing this?
PHOENINA
You know that I started…
HUGGIE
16. I started doing this when I was 16. I’m 35. And look at me. Should I be happy?
PHOENINA
You look happy. C’mon. You have to lighten up! Enjoy life. Look at those kids over there.
HUGGIE
They’re cheating.
PHOENINA
No. They’re having fun. They don’t know it’s against the rules to walk up that ramp and put the balls in the holes.
HUGGIE
The parents are making them do that.
PHOENINA
But look at them. They’re smiling. And watching the co-workers not care is hilarious.
HUGGIE
That’s being irresponsible.
PHOENINA
Oh my God! What’s the matter with you? You know that life is short. We live it. So just live a little!
HUGGIE
(softly) I don’t know how.
PHOENINA
What?
HUGGIE
I don’t know how! Okay? I’ve never learned how to.
PHOENINA
Have fun? How’s that possible? I thought you loved what we do?
HUGGIE
No. Not really. I mean, it’s just a job.
PHOENINA
I love what we do. What about the travel?
HUGGIE
We go from Chuck E. Cheese to Chuck E. Cheese to make a couple of bucks and what do I have to show for it? Do you know what I have to show for it? Nothing!!!
PHOENINA
Keep it down a little. You’re gonna scare the kids.
HUGGIE
We’re gonna scare them soon anyways. You think I like making kids cry when they see me?
PHOENINA
I like making the adults cry.
HUGGIE
Okay. I do too, but I’m tired of this life. I need something more. This is my last job.
PHOENINA
You’ve said that before, remember? So, we change things up again. Start over in another part of the country. Like last time.
HUGGIE
You’re young-er-ish, cute, and adventurous. Just get another partner. You’ll do fine without me. Better even.
PHOENINA
Stop saying that.
HUGGIE
It’s true.
PHOENINA
You know you’ll miss it. Especially when we round up all the families and we pop off a couple of balloons…
HUGGIE
Behind their kids heads. Good times. Good times.
PHOENINA
And then it’s the parents who fork over the money like crazy? What’s not fun about that? Now that’s the clown, I know.
HUGGIE
Ready, Phoenina Toots.
PHOENINA
Ready, Huggie Aloni.
HUGGIE and PHOENINA get up from the table and take out machetes from inside their Clown outfits.
HUGGIE
Alright everyone! Stop what you’re doin and gather up your kiddies, cuz this is a hold up!