So school started and a couple of things have made me start to feel like an Odd Duck in my field. Let me preface this by saying that I am so proud and giddy with all of the works that my playwriting friends have been doing! I love seeing their announcements for their upcoming productions, readings, grants, fellowships, etc! That being said, I don’t know if I want all of that for the path I want to pursue.
Let me TRY to explain: I grew up curious about my ethnic background (Filipino) and my culture and history (Filipino-American). Curious to the point of border obsessive. And because of such, I’ve made a conscious effort to have my writings speak to this curiosity. I’d say that 29 of the 31 plays I’ve written for the 31 Plays in 31 Days project were from a Fil-Am perspective. In a way, in my search for looking for stories written in my medium (plays), I’m discovering my own voice within these stories that I’m writing… and I want to be one of the artists to continue to do so for other people curious enough about seeking their Fil-Am identities. This is what I WANT to do… but will anyone read/listen?
This is why I feel like an odd duck. I see everyone around me swimming in one direction, and I’m finding myself with the urge to find my own path. Some might say (well, a part of my brain) that I’m putting this limit on me by writing for one audience. But the rebellious side is saying, why not? I can’t be the only one starving for stories told on a stage about my commonalities… or am I? One thing I do keep in mind is that I’m not going to beat myself in the head wondering if this is the way to go–having a limited audience. Nor should I be concerned about this topic in general? I’ve gone crazy in the past thinking about it instead of JUST WRITING! Writing the stories I want and feel the need to open not only calms the mind, but eases the time, and feels right.
I feel right about being out here on my own. It’s scary. I kinda know that I have support… Kinda. This is the path I chose and there’s no turning back now. “Filipinos are awesome at suffering!,” to paraphrase a line from Jessica Hagedorn’s THE GANGSTER OF LOVE.