I feel really alone in this pursuit of being an American Filipino Playwright. I have support, I mean I know I have a lot of amazing people who believe in me and in what I’m trying to do, but that’s not exactly the same thing as having other people who are doing what I’m doing–writing plays that embrace the American Filipino Experience–and I feel alone. I guess I’m patterning my writing to fiction writers and poets who have that community of artists putting out great work in their genres for our community, but when it comes to plays…
This is just how I feel right now. Hella kawawa. I just feel so STRONGLY about my purpose: To write plays that reflect the American Filipino experience. Hey, maybe it’s my issue. Why am I limiting my art? If I knew, I wouldn’t feel so alone. It’s like I’m alone on this island and I’m trying to write these plays for a community that I won’t even know if they’ll appreciate my work. Am I really doing all of this for myself or them? I’m rambling. I’m…
The impetus for this post: I wrote a play which was presented in a class. The play had witty banter between a mother, her son, and his fiance. It was basically about the mother wanting the son to sign her Will as a witness where she leaves him the family home. The fiance, who is a house flipper, reimagines the home as being totally redone (tearing down the walls, putting in a chandelier, etc.), which is everything the mom is against. However, the ending is polarizing in a craft sense: I had it where the mom signs the Will and leaves it up to the son to sign it, thus completing the transaction. But if he does sign it, it will mean that he is siding with his fiance in destroying the family home. The critique, which is a VALID one, is to have the mother do something more decisive, like NOT sign the Will, or threaten the son that if he signs it, then she’ll disown him, or tear up the Will, or… just SOMETHING more concrete to WIN her point. To some, it would feel like she is conceding to her son. However, I feel, by leaving the option for the son to sign it, that feeling of shame, would be too much for him to do so, and if he did, then that would be the worst form of betrayal. So, in a way, the mom is manipulating her son to do what she wants him to do. Kinda like reverse psychology. Again, I UNDERSTAND that this action might not be as easily transferable to the stage, but deep down inside, as a Filipino American, this ending hits way harder and deeper on a visceral level.
Hence, *sigh* and I’m beating myself up over this. Even after hearing this read aloud, it hurt to hear a mom leaving this option up to her son. But on a “craft” level, this wasn’t good enough… the “Filipino” level wasn’t good enough.
If you’d like to read the play, FLIPPED, feel free to do so. Processing… trying hard to find where my voice fits in… or if it can.