So I posted on my Twitter account (@consplayspace) that last weekend I thought a lot about where I fell, or wanted to fall, in the Artist/Entertainer spectrum. First, I have to consider myself as an artist cuz the very nature of creating something out of nothing, the blank page/screen, constitutes and defines myself as an artist. I’m the person who needs to construct this play from an idea in a logical way. Artist!
But what if what I’ve built bores an audience to sleep. Or worse, watch watchers. You know, the ones in the audience who constantly check her or his watch to countdown when this play is over. Or even more worse, counting down when and if there’s an intermission so they can bounce! This is one of my definitions of being the Anti-Entertainer.
While thinking about this, I googled “artist vs entertainer”. There are some mighty high thinking people who like to shit on entertainers! Hella paraphrasing, “If you are an artist, you create to not care about what others think of you. Entertainers should be fed to the lions for they only care what people think about them to make up for not getting Daddy’s love and affection.” (Hella paraphrasing.)
That last part is true though about how I’ve always craved instant positive gratification. I mean, c’mon, when I heard an audience laugh at something I wrote in a college recital hall back in 1995, I was hooked! And it’s been something I’ve been hunting for.
But as I’ve become more mature in my writing and themes, I guess I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how I now appreciate when people say that they are inspired or have become proud of their history or who they are because of what I’ve written. I’ve become the Artist.
I guess in this Doogie Howser ending monologue, instead of feeling like I’ve been trying to search for the playwriting legitimacy of looking like an artist or an entertainer, I’ve come to accept myself as both.