Tag Ur It
A Five-Minute Play
By Conrad A. Panganiban
CAST OF CHARACTERS
ME, 10, a Kid of Color from Immigrant Parents GAB, 10, a Kid of Color
SETTING
ME’s front yard driveway.
Lights up with ME sitting downstage gazing into the ether.
Enter GAB.
GAB
Hey! I’ve been looking all over for you.
ME
Sorry.
GAB
Let’s play.
ME
Not in the mood.
GAB
Hide and Go Seek?
ME
Tired of that game.
GAB
Army soldiers?
ME
Meh.
GAB
Duck-duck-goose?
ME
You can’t play Duck-duck-goose with only two people.
GAB
You have to use your imagination.
ME
Just leave me alone, will ya?
GAB
What’s wrong?
ME
I just want to be alone and think.
GAB
You’re 10. You’re too young to think.
ME
Well, you’re 10 and you should start.
(Pause.)
Do you think I’m American?
GAB
Hm. Really or not really?
ME
Really…
GAB
Yes. Because you were born in America.
ME
Not really…
GAB
No. Because you don’t look American.
ME
That’s what I noticed too.
GAB
What’s this about?
ME
Chad and some other kids called me a monkey.
GAB
Why would they say that? You don’t even have a tail.
ME
That’s what I said! And I hate bananas!
GAB
Then why would they say that?
ME
I think it’s because I don’t look like them… American.
GAB
What difference does it make? You sound American, so if everyone was blind then you’d be like the perfect G.I. Joe.
And you can’t get any more American than G.I. Joe.
ME
Captain America is more American that G.I. Joe.
GAB
Ooo. You got me there.
ME
I don’t get it. I like Apple Pie. Baseball is boring, but I like basketball and football. That’s pretty American, right?
GAB
I’ve never seen anyone in Europeland play football.
ME
They only have McDonald’s in America and since all I eat are Happy Meals, that makes me a Happy American.
GAB
And you love watching Family Guy. Giggity giggity…
ME
And Full House, Boy Meets World, and Malcolm in the Middle too.
GAB
Don’t forget Will & Grace…
ME
Step By Step
GAB
Family Matters
ME
Saved By The Bell
GAB
I love Saved By The Bell!
ME
Great TV shows.
GAB
Great American TV shows.
ME
Yeah…
But that’s what I mean: if they’re American TV shows, then how come there’s no one on those shows that looks like me?
GAB
You’re thinking again…
ME
Sometimes, it just it just makes me wonder if I’m really here, you know? Makes me wonder if anyone even notices that I’m here.
GAB
Those are TV shows. They’re not real.
ME
Am I?
(GAB pinches ME.) Ow!
GAB
Pretty real to me.
ME
But to everyone else? I’m just worried that if like gazillions of people watch these TV shows which are supposed to take place in America… GAB
Like Friends?
ME
Where they live in New York. Or Family Matters…
GAB
Chicago. Beverly Hills 90210.
ME
Duh. Beverly Hills. Saved By The Bell?
GAB
Duh! Bayside!
ME
See what I mean? We know they’re from real American cities.
But if people don’t see people like me on TV, then do I exist to them?
GAB
Kinda like an imaginary person?
ME
Maybe?
GAB
Kinda like me?
ME
No. You’re real.
GAB
That’s not what your parents say. They say that I’m your imaginary friend.
ME
How would you know?
GAB
They’re always talking about you… and me… all the time. And since they can’t see me, they just talk and talk and talk.
ME
About what?
GAB
Do you wanna dog? Your parents think that if they got a dog, then you’d forget about me.
ME
I’d never do that.
GAB
Arf! Arf!
(GAB starts to pant like a dog.)
ME
So now you think you’re a dog?
GAB
Dogs can’t play Duck-duck-goose, silly.
ME
Then you’re imaginary?
GAB
Who’ll always be your friend.
ME
Then no matter what anybody says, I think you’re real.
GAB
Cool, cuz I think you are too.
ME
Thanks. But that still wouldn’t change the fact that I’m invisible to the rest of the country.
GAB
Then maybe you should do something about it instead of just sitting in your driveway talking to your imaginary friend.
ME
I’m 10. I can’t do anything.
GAB
You’re 10. You can do EVERYTHING! You just have to use your imagination! C’mon! Hide and Go Seek?
ME
Nah. I don’t feel like hiding anymore…. Tag, you’re it!
ME and GAB run around the stage playing tag until they run completely off-stage.
Blackout.
END OF PLAY