FLIPPED
A 10-Minute Play
by Conrad A. Panganiban
CAST OF CHARACTERS
JUNE: Female. Owner of her home… for now.
BILLY: 30s. Male. Mom’s son and house flipper.
STEFFANIE: 20s-30s. Female. Billy’s fiancé and Billy’s co-worker.
TIME
Present.
SETTING
Billy’s childhood home’s living room.
Lights up on BILLY in a small living room.
JUNE enters holding a piece of paper.
JUNE
Where did my future daughter-in-law go now?
BILLY
Steffanie’s just taking a look around the house. I can’t get her to stop working.
JUNE
She likes turning around homes too?
BILLY
Flipping, Mom. It’s calling flipping homes. And she loves it!
JUNE
She must be really strong.
BILLY
No, Mom. Flipping a home means that after my company buys a house, we renovate it and then we…
JUNE
I know what flipping a house means, Billy! I’m kidding with you. I watch that T.V. show on Bravo with that crazy man.
BILLY
That’s our boss.
JUNE
You work for that crazy man?
BILLY
Jeff runs the Los Angeles office and we run the one in San Francisco. And he’s not crazy. Eccentric is more of the word we use. In fact, he loves orchids almost as much as you do.
JUNE
Did you see the ones in the backyard? They’re just about to bloom, but I still have to transfer them between pots or they–
ENTER STEFFANIE dressed in business attire.
STEFFANIE
I can’t believe you grew up here. There’s not even enough room to do a Downward Dog.
JUNE
This home was big enough when Billy was a boy.
BILLY
When I was a boy, Mom.
STEFFANIE glides her hand around Billy as she sits next to him.
STEFFANIE
William’s definitely not a boy anymore.
BILLY
Not now Honey Bunches of Oh’s. Mother’s watching.
JUNE
Who are you calling, Mother?
STEFFANIE
Then I guess we’ll have to wait til we get back to The Peninsula Inn.
JUNE
The Peninsula Inn? That hotel is so expensive. I thought that you were staying here. I already made your room, and–
BILLY
Uh, we didn’t want to…
STEFFANIE
We didn’t want to get in your way, Mom.
JUNE
Mom?
STEFFANIE
It’s where we stayed at last time we were here.
JUNE
When were you last here?
STEFFANIE
Last month.
JUNE
Last month? You didn’t even call.
BILLY
It was a quick business trip and I knew you were busy with Church.
JUNE
You still should have called, Billy.
BILLY
Well, I’m here now, right? So, what’s the important business matter you wanted to talk about?
JUNE
Oh, that’s right. (JUNE hands the piece of paper to BILLY.) Look over the part that is highlighted and sign the bottom of the last page.
BILLY
(Reading the paper)
“Last Will and Testament.”
STEFFANIE
Ooo. Really?
STEFFANIE takes the document from Billy’s hands and starts to read.
BILLY
What is this?
JUNE
It’s exactly what it says it is.
BILLY
I know that.
STEFFANIE
Ohhh. Look at that. She wants to leave us this house, William.
JUNE
Well, since I’m the only one living here now, I don’t have anyone else to leave it to.
BILLY
You’re not sick or– Is everything okay, ma?
JUNE
Good gracious, Dr. Murphy gave me the clean bill of health last month. But you never know. If God wills it, then whatever happens, happens.
STEFFANIE starts to laugh.
STEFFANIE
If God wills it. Good one.
BILLY
Shhh…
JUNE
But if something ever happens to me–this house is yours. It will be a good home to raise your family.
BILLY
Here? I mean, well, um…
STEFFANIE
I know right? This house? Really?
BILLY
This doesn’t feel right to talk about getting something when you… you know?
JUNE
Pass away. Bite the dust. Move into the coffin condo. It’s okay. You can say it.
Say it.
BILLY
What?
JUNE
“When my mom dies”–
BILLY
No.
JUNE
Say it!
BILLY
I don’t want to!
JUNE
Say, “when my mom is dead, I get this house.”
BILLY
No!!!
JUNE
Uncover your ears!
BILLY
No!
STEFFANIE
We don’t want this place!
Silence.
JUNE
What?
BILLY
What?
STEFFANIE
It’s just that. Please take no offense, Mom, but Cuddle Cakes and I couldn’t possibly live here.
BILLY
Uh, she’s saying that we wouldn’t be able to live–
JUNE
What’s wrong with this house?
STEFFANIE
Nothing. Except that it’s just so… you know… soooo…
JUNE
Yes?
BILLY
What Stef’s trying to say, is that we were looking at larger homes to raise a family.
JUNE
We raised you good in this one.
STEFFANIE
Raised “well”. He was raised well not–
BILLY
I know I was, Mom, but–
JUNE
And you became very successful because of the place you grew up in.
BILLY
And I’m grateful and lucky that I grew up here.
JUNE
But you would be ashamed to live here. Is that what you’re telling me?
BILLY
I didn’t say that.
JUNE
I’m sorry that this home doesn’t match your San Francisco Clam Chowder in a bread bowl Lifestyle.
BILLY
That’s it! No! I mean, it’s not the Clam Chowder. It’s because we work in San Francisco that we can’t live here.
JUNE
Then what’s going to happen to this house when I die?
Like a woman with a 50,000 watt lightbulb flashing above her head, STEFFANIE stands and walks around the room.
STEFFANIE
I got it! Ooo! Tear that down, that down, and that down.
JUNE
The walls?
STEFFANIE
Open up the foyer with a Phantom of the Opera Chandelier hanging right up there.
JUNE
What foyer?
STEFFANIE
Granite counters and marble everywhere!
JUNE
Marble?
BILLY
Sweetie–
STEFFANIE
Ew… and that definitely needs to go too.
JUNE
The door? Billy, you can’t let her take that!
BILLY
It’s just a door, Ma.
JUNE
Look at it!
STEFFANIE
Honey, is this your handwriting?
BILLY gets up to look at the door with STEFFANIE.
JUNE
It’s his daddy’s.
BILLY
I grew that much between 9 and 12 years old?
JUNE
Remember? Daddy had to stand on a chair to mark your height on your 18th birthday.
BILLY
…
STEFFANIE
Well, I don’t see it happening with the new house.
JUNE
New house?
STEFFANIE
Yeah. It’s going to be amazing! When did you buy this place?
BILLY
It was mom and dad’s dream to own a home in America after they immigrated here.
STEFFANIE
It looks like it. Good thing we’re here then. We’re going to make a killing on this place.
BILLY
What?
STEFFANIE
After we get done flipping it, $2.2 Mil easy.
BILLY
Babe.
STEFFANIE
A killing.
BILLY
Tiph, I don’t think…
STEFFANIE
You still have Gregory’s phone number? Wait, he’s in Santorini right now.
BILLY
Steffanie.
STEFFANIE
Who’s another interior decor… Marcela! Marcela’s back from Milan. Now, she can work miracles. We’ll definitely need it.
BILLY
STEFFANIE!
STEFFANIE
What?!
BILLY
Can you not talk about turning this house into something else with my mom sitting in the living room she’s spent over 30 years of her life in?!
STEFFANIE
Why not? What will she care what we do with this house when she’s dead?
Silence.
BILLY
Get out.
STEFFANIE
Cuddle Cakes.
BILLY
Get out of my mom’s home.
STEFFANIE
Oh. All right. I guess, we can plan later.
BILLY
No. No, we won’t.
Just… go to the car and I’ll meet you there.
STEFFANIE
Well, it was nice seeing you again, Mom.
BILLY
Don’t call her that.
STEFFANIE
…
BILLY
We’ll talk in the car.
STEFFANIE exits.
BILLY
I’m… I’m really sorry about… her.
JUNE
I know that your dad and I don’t have much. But we tried. The only thing I have left to give you is the home you grew up in. But… well, your wife–
BILLY
She’s not my wife. I mean, not yet.
JUNE
Well, your “friend” is right: there is nothing I can do when I’m gone. So… if you want to get rid of everything that is in here… or was ever in here, then that’s what you want.
JUNE takes the Last Will and Testament, takes out a pen, signs the bottom of it, and hands the piece of paper to her son.
She gets up and finds a pair of garden gloves and puts them on.
BILLY
Where are you going?
JUNE
My orchids. I have to recycle the soil between them. For some reason they don’t grow as tall when I add new soil to it. Must be this climate.
You can leave that there after you sign it, William.
EXIT JUNE without looking at her son.
Lights out.
END OF PLAY