Image by StockSnap from Pixabay
JO-PERDY
By Conrad Panganiban
Revision date: 11/27/2011
LOLA – Grandma. 86. Ida’s Grandmother.
MAX – Male. 20s. Ida’s new boyfriend.
IDA – Female. 20s.
ALEX TREBECK – Male. Host of Jeopardy.
(Enter IDA and MAX. LOLA is on the other side of the stage watching TV.)
IDA
I’ll be back in a sec, Honey Bunny.
MAX
That’s Dr. Honey Bunny.
IDA
Ooo… maybe we can play a little doctor after dinner.
LOLA is watching them and clears her throat.
IDA (CONT.)
Oh, hi Lola. Why are you still up?
LOLA
Jo-perdy.
IDA
Ah. Her favorite show. (To LOLA) Maybe you can play with Max. You remember Max right?
LOLA
Of course, I remember Felix.
IDA
No, Lola. Max. His name is Max.
MAX
Hi Lola.
IDA
We’re going out to dinner to celebrate his graduation from Medical School. Do you want to come?
LOLA
Jo-perdy time.
IDA
Ah, yes. Jo-perdy time. Lola, you be good with Max. Gonna get changed real quick. Toodles, Boo.
MAX
Don’t take too long, Shroomskin. Our reservation’s at 8.
Exit IDA. MAX looks at what LOLA is watching.
MAX (CONT.)
I didn’t know this was still on TV. Alex Trebeck looks a little different.
Enter ALEX TREBECK.
ALEX
Welcome back to Jeopardy! Please pick a category.
MAX
Want to play Lola? I’ll let you pick the category.
LOLA
Okay, I pick TV dramas of the 80’s for 200.
ALEX
Andy Griffith’s character in this 1985 legal drama.
LOLA
Who is Matlock?
ALEX
Who is Matlock is correct.
MAX
Very good, Lola.
LOLA
TV dramas for 400.
ALEX
Angela Lansbury starred in this mystery drama that ran for 12 seasons.
LOLA
What is Murder…
MAX
Murder, She Wrote!
(LOLA gives MAX a dirty look.)
MAX (CONT.)
Alright… Explorers for 400.
ALEX
In 1542 explorer Juan Rodriguez Cabrillo discovered this island off L.A. & it’s believed he’s buried there too.
MAX
What is Catalina? Boo-yah! Hate to do this to you Lola, but I’ll have to go with Medical Conditions for 200!
ALEX
Defects in this protein are responsible for hypermobility syndromes.
MAX
What is Colloscene?
ALEX
Incorrect.
LOLA
What is Collagen?
ALEX
Correct.
LOLA
Medical Conditions for 400.
ALEX
This autosomal dominant collagen synthesis disorder is associated with dilation and rupture of the aorta?
MAX
What is Hardy’s syndrome?
ALEX
Wrong.
LOLA
What is Marfan’s syndrome?
ALEX
Right again!
MAX
Son of a! You’re going down old lady!
ALEX
To close out this round for $1000, chronic ingestion of over 25,000 IU of this vitamin may cause benign intracranial hypertension.
LOLA
What is Vitamin A?
ALEX
Perfect! Congratulations to today’s winner! Lola LOLA!
Exit ALEX.
MAX
Noooo! You have got to be kidding me! Alex come back! I’m the doctor here! This senile old bat must’ve cheated!
Enter IDA.
IDA
Hey! Who are you calling an Old Bat?
MAX
Her! There’s no way she could have beat me at Jeopardy!
LOLA
Jo-perdy.
IDA
Well, that’s no way to talk to my grandmother! Get out!
MAX
But, Shnookums.
IDA
Don’t you Shnookums me, you, you, you, Max! I said get out!
MAX
What about playing doctor?
IDA
You can play doctor with yourself! Out!
Exit MAX.
IDA (CONT.)
I’m sorry Lola. He’ll never come back here again.
LOLA
Do you want to play jo-perdy?
IDA
Sure, Lola. Let’s play jo-perdy.
Lights fade out.
END SKETCH