After YEARS of wanting to do this, I FINALLY started my own YouTube Channel, consplayspace!
URL: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCzI5VA0FpNZiSfx9QTVpVLQ
LOL… as you can tell from the url, it doesn’t look official, but hoping to get there after I hit 100 subscribers, so if you haven’t already and you want to help me out… please subscribe.
Okay, now to the WHY I wanted to start this new endeavor, it’s to LIVE FOREVERRRRRR!!! lol. Not to totally laugh out loud, but that is the reason. It’s the same reason that I built this website and put up ALL of my plays (man, I’m using all caps way too much already), it’s to leave something behind when I’m gone. It’s a way to tell myself that I did something with the life I had when I was here. I made all these friendships and relationships with all these super talented folx who believed in me and the stories I created that hopefully changed the world–either through momentary laughter or maybe a visceral reaction deep enough to change how a person sees things differently.
I’ve tweeted about EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE enough to realize that that movie had the kind of impact on me as I would hope that my work impacts others. One of the lessons I took from the film, is to make every moment count and to make each choice I made be something that will say that I matter. So, yeah, in a nutshell, even though I’ve been saying that I wanted a way to preserve my work, that I would actually DO IT!
I’d say the biggest obstacle in creating this channel was FEAR! Who knew that living with anxiety would be so life constricting?! lol. So, here’s my list of fears on why it took me so long to start consplayspace, the channel:
- That people would see my work
- That viewers wouldn’t like my work
- others would think I’m a show-off and big-headed (ew)
- that I’m wasting other people’s time by 1) asking them to watch my work 2) asking them to subscribe 3) to act in my plays
- that I wouldn’t have enough time to put all my work on video
- that my video production sucks
- that it doesn’t look professional
Yeah. All of the above scared me. I’m not afraid to admit it. But the flip side of that admission is to have the belief in myself, my work, and the relationships I’ve had that can make all this happen. The channel is my BET ON ME! All the time I’m putting into this channel is a big F U to all of those fears listed. Hmmm… that sounds a little aggressive. But it’s really out of a good place too. Cuz almost dying a couple of years ago, it’s starting to dawn on me on how much, and little, I’ve done. I can say that I’ve been lucky, so lucky, to have my work be put on stage for a lot of folx around the country to actually see… and that’s good enough. And frankly, there was a point when I really did say that, “Welps, I guess I’m done. Mission accomplished.” But then I remembered that I had all these other stories that haven’t been seen because the opportunities just weren’t there for a production outside of me to make it happen.
BET ON ME.
Starting this channel has filled me with that Entrepreneurial Hootspah… Gusto… Mind Set to blaze my own trail! I’m creating my own lane of overtly stating that my work is Filipina/o American! I want to be one of those creators that won’t wait to fill a void I see in the storytelling realm of “where are the stories of the reflection of my experiences at?” It’s been WAY too long of, “I wish someone would write a story about Fil-Am life.” And the important thing I want to say is that I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE! There are already so many creators of Fil-Am content that I’m proud to be a part of. And each of our stories shouldn’t be in a vacuum. I’m starving to see/read/hear more of them.
Okay, I’ll stop now. But glad to finally be able make this my life and hope that others will join me. Thanks for reading.