MamaSiHero
A 10-minute Superhero Comedy
by conrad a. panganiban
CAST OF CHARACTERS
Parker Ganosan – Female. Filipino American. Mid 20s. Comic Book Writer. Mom Ganosan’s daughter.
Mom (Fely) Ganosan / MamaSiHero: Female. Early 40’s. Filipino. Super Hero. Parker’s mother.
Errol Wiley / Robber: Male. Parker’s evil boss and sometimes thief.
TIME
Present.
PLACE
Parker’s office, her childhood bedroom, and wherever heinous crimes are committed.
At rise, we see PARKER, 20s, pacing in her office.
PARKER
EF! Eeeeefffffff! What the Eff am I going to do now? Thanks Errol! Not even a sorry… or a welcome back. I mean, how does he expect me to come up with something new after he lowered the boom like that?
(Enter ERROL, Parker’s boss.)
ERROL
Parker, if you don’t have a new character for me in the morning, then find a new job!
(Exit ERROL.)
PARKER
Efff! You know what? Eff him. Eff his stupid hair. Eff his left shoe. And Eff this job!
(beat)
Craaap! I can’t eff this job. I love this job. This is the only thing I’ve ever been good at.
This is all I’ve ever been. And it’s the only thing I have left…
(Enter Parker’s mom.)
MOM
Are you going coming down for dinner, Parker? I made your favorite, Tofu Adobo.
PARKER
Not yet mom. I’m working.
MOM
Wow. I didn’t know that the 6th grade is paying you to do homework now? Can I be your classmate? Your daddy doesn’t give me money for some new Louis Vuitton bags?
PARKER
Ma! You know what I mean. Wanna read my new story?
MOM
Let me see, hmmm… “I would rather you cut off all of my hair and grind my teeth into powder than go with you.” Hmmm… well, that’s interesting.
PARKER
Isn’t it!? Keep reading.
MOM
“That can be arranged, The Red Deee… mohhh… ñio.” DEMONIO?!
PARKER
It’s good! Keep going.
MOM
Mmm… “…The Red Demoñio answered back. But then the smoke from his sizzling hand caused him to let go of her wrist. Even though Pyree promised to never use her powers, they always appeared in her time of need.”
PARKER
Well?
MOM
What did I say, Parker?
PARKER
But he doesn’t die.
MOM
I told you, no violence!
PARKER
That’s not violence. That’s… sizzling. Pyree can’t be a superhero without kicking some major ass… ssassin Pirate butt.
(Exit MOM. Enter ERROL.)
ERROL
Weak! Parker, your characters are weak! They’ve lost their edge, and I need your edge back if we’re going to keep up with DC and Marvel.
PARKER
Pyree has that.
ERROL
Pyree had that. Your swashbuckling flame-throwing superhero had a good run until you made her fall in love.
PARKER
What’s wrong with that? Pirates can’t fall in love?
ERROL
No! They’re not allowed! I knew you came back too soon.
PARKER
I’m fine, Errol. I know how to do my job.
ERROL
Then do it! By the end of the day, Parker. A new superhero… or we get a new writer.
(Exit ERROL.)
PARKER
Hey! You told me I had until the morning! Errol! Errol! Incredible. After all I did for him and this company. Fine. A new superhero is what he wants, a new superhero is what he’ll get.
(PARKER starts to pace around her office.) Okay. I’ve done this before. I can do this. Think Parker. The Green Hatcher. She works in a garden and while she’s planting whatever they plant, she unearths an alien rock shaped like a ring and when she puts that ring on… crap. Okay… something more original. Charmin is a fire fighter by day, and a crime fighter at night… who fights crime with toilet paper?
(PARKER catches toilet paper rolls from off-stage and throws them at the audience.) Take that. She appears out of nowhere to wipe away all the dirty crime… and with super absorbency too…
(Feeling defeated. She sits in a chair and lets out a breath. PARKER glances at a picture frame on her desk, grabs it, and looks at the picture inside.) Crime fighter. Superhero. Absorbent?
(PARKER puts picture away as MOM enters dressed in a superhero outfit and a head wrap. She strikes a superhero pose.)
MamaSiHero.
(Enter ERROL dressed like ROBBER donning a black eye mask. ROBBER grabs something off of Parker’s desk and starts to walk away.)
PARKER (CONT.)
MamaSiHero’s crime fighting weapons are non-lethal.
MAMASIHERO
Hoy!
(ROBBER stops and turns around. MAMASIHERO gives him a look of bitter disappointment and negatively shakes her head.)
ROBBER
MamaSiHero! (pause) Why are you looking at me like that? (pause) But I was just… (MAMASIHERO motions to ROBBER to put what he took back on the desk.)
ROBBER
You can’t make me!
(ROBBER starts to stamp his feet.)
No. No. No!
(MAMASIHERO, still without saying a word, more sternly points at the object he is holding then to the desk. ROBBER gets mad and begrudgingly puts the object back.)
ROBBER (CONT.)
I hate you!
(ROBBER runs out of the room.)
PARKER
Being the ultimate superhero, MamaSiHero customizes her superhero abilities for different types of villains.
(ROBBER comes in again and takes the same object from Parker’s desk and attempts to quietly leave.)
MAMASIHERO
Hoy!
ROBBER
You can’t stop me, MamaSiHero! I’m immune from your superhero power of the “Look of Bitter Disappointment!”
MAMASIHERO
I’m not going to waste that power on you. But what would your family say if they were to see you now?
ROBBER
You… you leave them out of this.
MAMASIHERO
What about your poor mother?
ROBBER
She’s not poor.
MAMASIHERO
Then why did you rob her of being a good son?
ROBBER
I did not!
MAMASIHERO
What is she going to tell her friends at Bingo when your face is all over the internet and on T.V. for stealing that? How is she ever going to face them? She’ll be the outcast and be all alone.
ROBBER
No!
MAMASIHERO
Even her cats will leave her.
ROBBER
Not Jay-Z and Beyonce!
MAMASIHERO
Both of them. And I bet she’ll die alone too.
ROBBER
No, she won’t, cuz I’ll be with her.
MAMASIHERO
How? You’ll be in jail!
ROBBER
NOOO!!!
(ROBBER puts back the object and runs out, screaming…)
Motherrrr!!!
PARKER
Her Super Power of Guilt gets them every time. And even if, EVEN IF, the foe-iest of foes, has been trained to ward off this time-tested of abilities, no one has ever gotten past her most special of powers… (ROBBER again enters grabbing the object from Parker’s desk and attempts to leave.)
MAMASIHERO
Hoy!
ROBBER
Mamasihero!
(MAMASIHERO tries to give him the disappointing stare.)
ROBBER (CONT.)
That’s not going to work.
MAMASIHERO
How can you even live with yourself if your mother caught you stealing?
(ROBBER yawns.)
ROBBER
My brothers already told me what you’ve tried on them. But there’s nothing you can do to make me change my evil ways. NOTHING! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
MAMASIHERO
Did you eat yet?
ROBBER
Huh?
MAMASIHERO
I have some Tofu Adobo in the kitchen.
ROBBER
Tofu Adobo? Well… it did smell good.
MAMASIHERO
I just fried some lumpia, and if you put that back, there’s warm bibingka for dessert.
ROBBER
Bibingka?
MAMASIHERO
Call your brothers. You all look so skinny.
ROBBER
Well, you’d be skinny too, if your mother spends all her money on cat food and Bingo.
MAMASIHERO
In my home, we eat first. Then talk later.
ROBBER
Talk?
MAMASIHERO
Talking is important. But there’s one thing you have to do first?
(ROBBER looks at what is in his hands. Getting the “one thing”, he puts back the object on Parker’s desk.)
MAMASIHERO
I’m so proud of you. Now get your brothers.
ROBBER
Yay! Bibingka!
(ROBBER skips out.)
PARKER
Sometimes a hero just has to be super at showing others how to be a better person–with a certain look, or sometimes with guilt, with food or just say that they’re proud of you. And to let you know that you’re loved.
(To MAMASIHERO)
Can you teach me your powers?
MOM
I already have.
PARKER
But I don’t know how to be strong like you?
MOM
It’s in you. A “power”, like strength, comes out when you need it the most. Remember that character you created when you were in the 6th grade?
PARKER
Pyree.
MOM
Right. Pyree. Like her. When she needed them, the powers came.
PARKER
But what I need right now is you, mom.
(Exit MOM.)
PARKER (CONT.)
We had some really good talks while we sat in that room with the Chemo I.V. drip thingy running from that bag into her arm. Talking was a good for her. Probably got her mind off of feeling nauseous at the beginning of her treatment. But then she’d get used to… not like I could ever get used to it. Lung Cancer was the worst villain for us… for her to face.
Knowing her, she probably did give it that “Look of Bitter Disappointment” and even tried to guilt it out of her body. I know I didn’t, but she eventually made peace with the C word and, for all I know, probably tried to make it her friend by making it a traditional Filipino feast. We had her favorite foods at her reception last week, including Bibingka, which I knew I burned. I’m a writer, not a baker.
(Enter ERROL.)
ERROL
Well?! What have you got for me?
PARKER
MamaSiHero.
ERROL
Mama says what?
PARKER
Did you eat yet?
ERROL
Uhhh… What?
PARKER
Ideas are better shared over a meal. And we can talk about your new superhero.
ERROL
You paying?
PARKER
Yes… Boss.
ERROL
Let me get my coat. (Starts to exit and comes back.) Uh… sorry about your mom.
PARKER
Thanks.
(Exit ERROL.)
PARKER (CONT.)
It’s ironic that I’m here trying to find a new superhero when that super hero has always been, and will always be, there for me – my mom.
(Enter MOM.)
(Blackout.)
END OF PLAY