Spoon and Fork Image by congerdesign from Pixabay
Chopsticks Image by Markus Winkler from Pixabay
Cast:
SPOON – Hippie, peace, and love
FORK – Opportunistic manipulator
CHOPSTICK LEFT – High-energy motivational team player
CHOPSTICK RIGHT – High-energy motivational team player
Setting: Inside a kitchen’s cutlery drawer
(Lights up to reveal the inside of a cutlery drawer with SPOON and FORK beside each other.)
SPOON
You know, Fork, with Knife out of the way, Sarah’s gonna want a new favorite utensil. Who do you think put it in the garbage disposal and turned it on?
FORK
Why are you looking at me like that, Spoon? Besides, Sarah already picked me.
SPOON
How? The only thing you’re good for is poking.
FORK
I’m a Fork. And I stab, not poke.
SPOON
And that’s why you’ll never be her favorite. You’re too violent. And Sarah loves my spooning action!
(Enter CHOPSTICK LEFT and CHOPSTICK RIGHT.)
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Hi
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Everyone!
FORK
Who are you?
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
We’re
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Chopsticks.
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Sarah
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Bought
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Us
CHOPSTICK LEFT
At
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Daiso
SPOON
Do you have to talk like that?
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like
CHOPSTICK LEFT
What?
FORK
Like that! Stop it. It’s fucking creepy.
Wait! She bought them to replace me as Sarah’s new favorite utensil! Not on my watch!
(FORK begins to chase both chopsticks around the stage. The chopsticks work together by splitting up causing FORK to give chase until it tires out.)
FORK
That’s. Not. Fair. There’s two of you. And only one of me.
Thanks for your help, Spoon!
SPOON
What do you expect me to do? Spoon them to death?
CHOPSTICK LEFT
We
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Work
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Together
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like
CHOPSTICK LEFT
A
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Team
FORK
Like a team? Hmm… Hey, Spoon! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
SPOON
Like how I could be used to eat cotton candy?
FORK
No! Come here.
(SPOON walks over to FORK who whispers in Spoon’s spoon.)
SPOON
You think it’ll work?
FORK
If we work as a team and it could.
SPOON
Time to get a scoopin’!
(FORK and SPOON chase the chopsticks. SPOON corners CHOPSTICK LEFT and FORK forces CHOPSTICK RIGHT to get cornered into SPOON.)
SPOON
I got them! START STABBING!!!
(Just then a light shines from above. The cutlery drawer opens!)
SPOON
It’s Sarah!
FORK
Time to find out who’s Sarah’s favorite!
CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON
WOAH!!!!
(CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON exit.)
SPOON
WE WON BITCHES!!!
FORK
Wait! What’s Sarah going to do with one chopstick and a spoon?
(Music for LET’S GET IT ON by Marvin Gaye starts to play.)
BLACKOUT
Sarah’s New Favorite Utensil! by Conrad A. Panganiban
Cast:
SPOON – Hippie, peace, and love
FORK – Opportunistic manipulator
CHOPSTICK LEFT – High-energy motivational team player
CHOPSTICK RIGHT – High-energy motivational team player
Setting: Inside a kitchen’s cutlery drawer
(Lights up to reveal the inside of a cutlery drawer with SPOON and FORK beside each other.)
SPOON
You know, Fork, with Knife out of the way, Sarah’s gonna want a new favorite utensil. Who do you think put it in the garbage disposal and turned it on?
FORK
Why are you looking at me like that, Spoon? Besides, Sarah already picked me.
SPOON
How? The only thing you’re good for is poking.
FORK
I’m a Fork. And I stab, not poke.
SPOON
And that’s why you’ll never be her favorite. You’re too violent. And Sarah loves my spooning action!
(Enter CHOPSTICK LEFT and CHOPSTICK RIGHT.)
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Hi
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Everyone!
FORK
Who are you?
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
We’re
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Chopsticks.
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Sarah
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Bought
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Us
CHOPSTICK LEFT
At
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Daiso
SPOON
Do you have to talk like that?
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like
CHOPSTICK LEFT
What?
FORK
Like that! Stop it. It’s fucking creepy.
Wait! She bought them to replace me as Sarah’s new favorite utensil! Not on my watch!
(FORK begins to chase both chopsticks around the stage. The chopsticks work together by splitting up causing FORK to give chase until it tires out.)
FORK
That’s. Not. Fair. There’s two of you. And only one of me.
Thanks for your help, Spoon!
SPOON
What do you expect me to do? Spoon them to death?
CHOPSTICK LEFT
We
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Work
CHOPSTICK LEFT
Together
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Like
CHOPSTICK LEFT
A
CHOPSTICK RIGHT
Team
FORK
Like a team? Hmm… Hey, Spoon! Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
SPOON
Like how I could be used to eat cotton candy?
FORK
No! Come here.
(SPOON walks over to FORK who whispers in Spoon’s spoon.)
SPOON
You think it’ll work?
FORK
If we work as a team and it could.
SPOON
Time to get a scoopin’!
(FORK and SPOON chase the chopsticks. SPOON corners CHOPSTICK LEFT and FORK forces CHOPSTICK RIGHT to get cornered into SPOON.)
SPOON
I got them! START STABBING!!!
(Just then a light shines from above. The cutlery drawer opens!)
SPOON
It’s Sarah!
FORK
Time to find out who’s Sarah’s favorite!
CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON
WOAH!!!!
(CHOPSTICK LEFT and SPOON exit.)
SPOON
WE WON BITCHES!!!
FORK
Wait! What’s Sarah going to do with one chopstick and a spoon?
(Music for LET’S GET IT ON by Marvin Gaye starts to play.)
BLACKOUT