Image by Danny See Chuan Seng from Pixabay
The full name of my book is WELGA: A Filipino American Playwright’s Journey. I initially had this as a placeholder until I could think of something more clever. It’s like when I did the 31 plays / 31 days challenge and almost every play’s title started as UNTITLED. But the more I wrote the memoir of my playwriting journey, the title just started to feel right to me and this long, winding, and tiring road where I never even thought I’d last this long.
WELGA is the title of the full-length play I developed at SFSU as my Senior Project. I’m sure I’ve written this before, but it was written as because I felt compelled to. But, it was a struggle. In all honesty, I really go back and forth with that play. I mean, I liked it. It satisfied my needs of writing a coming-of-age play with young fil-am as the lead. Something that’s not common. So I was more than happy to provide that opportunity the the ones that have played Johnny. I was truly honored to write and do research on the Delano Grape Strike and the importance of the Filipinos who started that labor movement. I was excited to hear the laughter of the many audiences who got my “eighties” high school movie tropes, as self-serving as they were. I’m incredibly grateful to have had the opportunity to write a song for the piece and have amazing groups interpret the song in sharing it with different audiences. I should be happy with it.
But the dark side of it was knowing that it just wasn’t good enough for some people. I feel stupid for believing that some didn’t get it. Or some had issues with the music. Or that maybe the play didn’t live up to the legacy of Larry Itliong and the other farm workers. I feel so vulnerable writing this, but I really wished that I had the props from 2 people. Out of respect, I won’t name them. And I feel so dumb for wanting their “approval”… but I did. I knew they watched the show as they posted pictures from before it started. But haven’t really said much since them. I’m literally shaking my head at this feeling of inadequacy.
Over time, that “not good enough” feeling has subsided a bit. I mean, I’ve gotten the chance to have had at least 5-6? different audiences experience the play. It still feels like the first time when the laughs just right. Or when I hear some sniffles after a certain scene. And I really appreciate all of the good vibes post show. One great memory that stands out was when an “elder” community activist talked to the high school cast telling them about the pride she and her comadres had while watching them.
Although WELGA technically is the Tagalog word for Strike! (as in labor strike), in writing this book, I was reminded of all the struggles I came up against: self-doubt, defining what success is, not able to make a living as a playwright, nobody showing up at an open casting call, and not feeling recognized by a greater community of theatre-makers as a legit playwright (yeah… hella feeling that), I get reminded often by all the good that has come out of my journey. I’m glad that I’ve stuck it out this long. But as I told others, I just don’t know how to stop. I’m proud of my resilience, curiosity, belief in CRAFT, and not wanting to give up with the hope of receiving everything that I’ve given. To feel like I’ve earned my place through continuous work, despite the times of feeling alone, and knowing that someone found value in what I have to say.
Keep going. WELGA!